Many people recognize October for various reasons. Like other months, this month highlights the opportunity to sponsor and support millions of people who have endured some of life's major events. For example, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Those who have survived, or are still enduring, find their voice to be a little louder because of the specified time and raised awareness across multiple platforms. Another awareness is also active this month. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness is also louder and more people speak out about the pains of such a loss.
The well-known statistic is 1 in 4 women experience this form of loss. I am that 1. On August 23, 2013, my life (and my husband's) changed so drastically -- some days, I wish it was just a bad dream that I could wake up from. My loss was stillbirth at 38.5 weeks. I wrote a book. I've encouraged others. I'm striving to start positive, Christian business endeavors to further impact lives of people who deal with so much hurt.
Each month, there's some type of awareness or day dedicated to recognizing specific issues and concerns. Not all of them are medical. Some are days to recognize leaders who represent the constant battle for freedom and equality. Although we all appreciate these months and days, we should never forget to recognize all issues every month and day. When we pray, we should ask God to help everyone who's hurting, who survived, who's enduring -- asking God to one day them to reach that point where they can empower the next person who needs it most.
Today, October 15th, from 7p to 8p, candles are supposed to be lit as a sign of memorial for the small angels gone too soon. I know it's hard for some to understand and it took a long time for me to grasp this too -- Charlotte Evelina didn't go too soon. God took her based on the need of His Kingdom. His needs and will trumps what I need. Many won't agree. Believe me, I don't feel 100% warm and fuzzy when I confess that. I'm still a work in progress. However, I have enough confidence to know God doesn't make mistakes. He's continued to bless me and my husband throughout these last 4 years. No, we don't have a 'rainbow baby'. However, we have each other and for that, I'm grateful! In due season, God is going to allow us to parent a child (or two, who knows) while here on earth. In the meantime, we'll wait on God while moving forward with our day to day lives.
I couldn't have made it this far unless God wasn't in control. I'm learning to let Him lead. Recognizing the simplest blessing of just being alive and in my right mind. Some days I don't get it. It's hard to understand why God just doesn't allow this or that to happen. But then I remember: His ways are not our ways -- His thoughts are not our thoughts. What we believe is a great idea isn't meant to be a great idea for our lives. We must accept when God says no. Once we accept, then we must trust and expect God to do something else. Recently, I was having a thought on the idea of having a spirit of expectancy. It's a great phrase and term in the Christian community. To always expect God to do something. However, most of us have allowed this spirit of expectancy to be tainted into just tangible manifestations. Spirit of expectancy goes beyond that. At this point, I just want to wake up each day! That's where my spirit of expectancy begins. Then hopefully I have some food to eat, clothes to wear, get to work with no accidents, etc. What I expect of God is to just be God because even with the regular blessings, He is a great God! I expect God is allow me to keep breathing and moving -- then those other things will come in due season.
I said that to say -- in due season, I'm expecting God to do some awesome things in my life. This includes one day of finally giving birth to a child who is alive and well. I can't rush God but everyday He reminds me He's still working it all out for my good.
Charlotte Evelina -- mommy and daddy loves you forever and forever! XOXO