The Real Black Father

I dedicate this post to my husband -- and the real black fathers. We often overlook Father's Day because it is often said that a mother does more than a father. It is true that in a standard and ideal situation that the mother does give a lot of herself -- including an extra 9 months of unique care and protection that the father cannot give. However, that does not mean we can dismiss the real father who gives their all to ensure they provide, protect, and guide.

My husband is an extraordinary man. He is among the few who still understands the importance of working hard and providing for the family. As a daddy's girl, I had the privilege of being raised by an extraordinary man who provided, protected, and guided his family. My father was not perfect. Neither is my husband. A real black father is not perfect. They are extraordinary. The reason they are extraordinary is because they endure and uphold a level of integrity that is rare in society. In society, we have the terms like, "dead beat dad", "lousy father", "no good (fill in the blank for yourself)". It is almost expected by some for the black man to forsake his child. I know when I talk to others about my father being in my life and how we spent time together, I can feel the other person's sense of, "wow, your father really did that...". Even now when I tell others of what my husband does with our son, many do not believe that he does all that he does.

I do believe having a father and mother in a household makes a positive difference for a  child. I do know some extraordinary mothers who raised their child without the father around and that child is doing great in society. However, I must admit, if the mother took extra time to ensure her child had some type of mentor or example of a stable and responsible man, that child had a little more confidence than one who did not. I believe a real father influences a type of positive confidence that cannot be done with just the mother's influence. A mother loves unconditionally and is the nurturer. She teaches the patience, sensitivity, and how to be more aware of others. A father can also love unconditionally. They also love from a place of more discipline and structure that is not easily negotiable. A father can help teach the lessons about life that is more about common sense and human survival. A mother can also teach all these things but the father can help ensure the child actually applies the knowledge.

I love the look in my husband's eyes when he plays with our son. I love watching their interaction. Even though our son is just a baby, the way they interact is so unique from the way I interact with our son. I am more gentle. More patient. More nurturing. Softer spoken but stern. My husband is not as patient but he pours out so much unconditional love you could not tell. My husband has been the daycare center during this pandemic. My husband took over at night when our son was first brought home so I could rest. He warms bottles, feeds the baby, changes diapers, gets on the floor with the baby for tummy time, he sings to him. Then he cooks dinner, cleans the house, tends to some yard work. All the while find time to cuddle with me as long as we both are not exhausted. LOL! Sure, he does more now because of the pandemic and most places have been closed including his place of employment. But even in the beginning, before the shut down, he did everything I described while working full-time. We both worked together and not against each other. We did not try to make it about a "father only does" or a "mother only does" type of setup. And this is why he is a real black father!

I love you Iradel! Thank you for all that you do! XOXOXO

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