"Oh, just keep praying, daughter..."
"OH, the Lord is going do it any day now..."
"OH, have you tried fasting?"
"OH, try reciting this prayer..."
"OH, you know Abraham and Sarah's story, don't you?!?!"
I can go on, but I am sure y'all feel me by now. I am not mocking these phrases nor am I saying they cannot be encouraging. I am just sharing because I know how many of us feel most days when it comes to trying to conceive. Not only did we endure stillbirth with our first child, but we also struggled with fertility issues trying to conceive. I will not lie it is a true journey of walking by faith and not by sight. (Click 'Read More' to continue...)
My first disclaimer I tell everybody: I was not "raised" in church. By the time I attended church regularly, I was the only one in my house going and serving in the church. Most life and faith lessons I had to learn on my own. To study and show me approved. Not leaning on my own understanding. I took my confession of faith seriously during my time of sickness. I am a cancer survivor. I had cancer when I was 14. Did chemo for several months. So fast forward 10 or so years...my husband and I trying to conceive and due to my medical history, we ran into doing things the hard way.
Being a married young couple, looking from the outside in, it would seem easy to "pop some little ones" out. That is why we must be mindful of others and not be so quick to express ideas of what we ought to see versus what we do not see. I know most people mean well but depending on if that couple just finished taking the 13th pregnancy test that showed negative (again) or if they found out their probability of getting pregnant the "old fashion way" is way less than average, that couple might not want to hear those good "ole churchy" words of encouragement.
So, let us look at both sides:
How do you deal with the "church folks" while trying to conceive? Honestly, be patient and gentle. Most people just believe a married couple deserve the blessing of children. They really are a blessing! So, even on those days you are not feeling positive (because of all the negative tests -- both at home and in a doctor's office), remember to give a gentle smile and nod. I am not suggesting you say anything nor fake it. You know you can be transparent with the right people! So, if you need a good old ugly cry, girl...fall into that person's arms and cry! But ONLY to those you know you can do that with!
Then, for the church folk: How can you politely encourage that young couple trying to conceive? GIVE THEM SPACE!! Pray from a distance. Prophecy from a distance. Discern when you can approach them and when you do politely ask them if it is ok to share with them what you feel God told you to share. Do not prolong the sharing session. Do not add to what God told you to share. If it is 5 words, then share just those 5 words! I have experienced a mix of all the above. And I honestly (HONESTLY) appreciate the ones who ask first and then share. That normally let me know they are sharing with the right motives. Now, I had a few to a couple of times where the "ask and share" did not go well. But normally that person I already knew was not going to get it right anyway so whatever. Lol!
Final words of encouragement: As a Christian, starting a family can be tough. Especially when medical conditions and history impedes the process. But remember: God is faithful! That is what His word says! Can it take years? Yes. Can it take enduring miscarriages? Yes. Can it take enduring stillbirth? Yes. Just remember: God is faithful. The curse of death, sickness, disease, and all that is due to Satan's curse and rule on this earth. God still extends His grace, mercy, favor, healing, restoration, provision, prosperity, and so much more despite all of that!
So, God promised you a family and that means you WILL have a family!
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Question: How have you dealt with church folks while trying to conceive? What moments were most difficult to just go to church while trying to conceive (or did you even go)? Share your comments below. I would love to hear from you! You may also join the private FB group, Priceless Luv and share there!
I desire to help encourage and support women during their time of trying to conceive and if they experience the tragedy of stillbirth. When I experienced stillbirth, the best advice I received: Be Human. I hope to help Christian women recognize the importance of being human in order to process our emotions. When we admit we are weak, God is able to be faithful and be God. If we be human, then God can be God.