There are so many challenges in life. These challenges may cause our minds to try and point fingers of blame. Due to the frustrations and uncertainties, it is a natural response to try and fine fault somewhere.
With the tragedy of stillbirth, it is no different. We go to God and ask him so many questions. Due to His gentleness and meekness, we often interpret his response as silence. The truth is God is never silent. However, we naturally expect an audible or tangible response from God. But when that does not occur, we fall into the lie that it must be our fault.
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Let me reassure you, as I had to reassure myself, stillbirth is not your fault! Sure, the statistics show more black women enduring this tragedy. But that does not mean there is something wrong with us. We have gone through centuries being told we are inferior, too loud, too bold, and much more. Making it seem as though we have so much wrong going for us. All of these, including the tragedy of stillbirth, all are from the devil! He is the one who comes to kill, steal, and destroy. (John 10:10) So, in this situation, you can be mad at the devil for unleashing the curse of death on earth. (If you just want to be mad, that is. Lol!)
Let me encourage and reassure you: you did an AMAZING job caring for your angel! No, you did not overdo it. No, you did not eat something wrong (even if it was something outside of the doctor's recommended diet). No, you did not sleep with too many pillows or not enough pillows. Listen to me: STOP! Stop playing it over and over in your mind on what you think you should have done. You did exactly what you were supposed to do.
I have been there and at times still find myself slipping back into those thoughts. But I must take my thoughts captive and shut them down with the truth! No, I could not have known to go back to check that ultrasound one more time before going home. No, I could not have prevented the umbilical cord from wrapping around my daughter's neck 3 times. No! I did what I was purposed to do: carry her 38.5 weeks in my womb and allow God to speak to that soul to say, "Well done. Come back home." It took me years to believe that and now, I finally believe it with my whole heart!
To stop blaming yourself, you must take your thoughts captive. Stop overthinking. Easier said than done, I know. Then read the Bible and pray. Listen for God's gentle voice. You cannot hear it when you overthink. Then give yourself time to properly heal. Embrace God's grace and mercy!
Remember: It is not your fault! Your angel is in a wonderful place and that is something to be thankful for!
Maybe a journal would help with your thoughts! Join my email list and obtain your FREE ‘Be Human Christian Wellness Journal’ download. It has space for you to just write and then other areas for mindfulness, mood tracker, and more! Remember, check your spam folders and promotions folder for Gmail accounts to be sure you get your copy!
Question: How do you take control of your thoughts? If you aren’t sure where to start, first identify the specific thought(s) you are having and then recognize how to deal with the thought(s); especially if the thought(s) is negative. Be sure to leave a comment below and I will answer!
I desire to help encourage and support women during their time of trying to conceive and if they experience the tragedy of stillbirth. When I experienced stillbirth, the best advice I received: Be Human. I hope to help Christian women recognize the importance of being human in order to process our emotions. When we admit we are weak, God is able to be faithful and be God. If we be human, then God can be God.